Wednesday, January 13, 2016

What do you really want?

Today I played the lottery for the first time. Wait, let me take that back. I don't know if I "played the Lottery" or if I "played Powerball" or if I did something else. I don't even know how to talk about this. Are they all the same thing? One seems national, the others are regional? Whatever it is, this big $1.5 billion thing everyone is trying to win, I spent $2 today in an attempt to win it.

I'd heard buzz about it in recent days, but I wasn't sure how to enter/play. First, I asked my Facebook friends. Then I asked a few of my co-workers. I remembered that the store in my office building's lobby had a big blue machine on the counter and I think it had something to do with the Lottery so I figured I could "Powerball" there. 

It was so much FUN. I picked my own numbers. I can't believe some people let the machine pick for them. I chose my mom's birthday, my Nana's birthday, the number of my BodyJam training release, and my lucky number, 21.  I immediately assumed I'd win, and I let my mind wander...

I started small. First I'd pay off the $2K credit card debt I have left. Okay fine, the $2700 credit card debt I have left. Don't judge. Money and budgeting are not strengths of mine and sometimes your laptop dies. And sometimes you just absolutely cannot cook dinner and need to go out to eat a few hundred times. Then, the $169.74 Beth Israel invoice sitting on my kitchen table that doesn't REALLY have a serious actual due date on it, they just want you to pay it soonish. After you buy the new dress you need (want) for your work event next week. I'd go get my Wisdom teeth out. But I'd pay for a BALLER anesthesiologist to knock me out cold even though I don't need to be knocked out cold I'm just deathly afraid of novocaine and really anything dental, hence I still have my Wisdom teeth at 36. Those are things I lie awake at 4am thinking about. So once those were squared away and I had a clean slate, I'd go BIGGER. 

I'd move. Well. No. I already live exactly where I want to live. Maybe I'd buy a slightly larger bit of property, but I'd stay right here in the North End. 

I'd build my own gym where I could teach my fitness classes! Except, I wouldn't. For better or worse, I already teach exactly where I want to teach. And I already teach exactly who I want to teach. I'd stay right where I am. I'd just take an Uber to and from the gym. Who am I kidding? I already do that 75% of the time. Sorry, environment.

Charity? Probably. But first I'd take care of every shred of need that anyone in my family or innermost inner inner inner circle had. Small. Large. Whatever. My people come first, and if that makes me selfish or shortsighted I really don't care. 

Jeans? I'd like some new J brands. My brown boots are looking a little worse for wear. 

Once I started thinking about high-end denim and new ankle boots, it hit me. I'm pretty happy with my life as it is. I like where I live, where I work, who I know, and what I look like. There's nothing I'd change all that drastically other than debt and some long overdue oral surgery. (You can't buy Julian Edelman's love.) 

Maybe I'm pathetic, but the only thing I can really point to that I'd like to make a substantial change for is writing. So, day job, I love you more than I've ever loved any full-time job I've ever had. But I'd have to let you go. I'd buy myself a nice new chair for my desk, I'd throw the gorgeous blanket my Aunt Charlene knit for me over my legs, and I'd sit and write and write and write.

This is so silly, and we're all going to lose. But it was fun and clarifying today to let my mind wander and think about what I'd do if the possibilities were almost endless. What would you do? What do you really want?


  1. For better or worse, I had a very similar experience. And that felt pretty damn good. Although, it would be nice to pay off the six figure student loan debut (don't judge, 98 degrees is really expensive). Otherwise, I'm really damn happy right where I'm at. That's baller.

  2. Playing lottery is rather interesting experience, a lot of thrilling emotions of anticipation. The two important things about: do not your hopes too high and play it responsibly. Personally I've chosen Oz lotto for better chances than let's say in US Powerball, check Oz Lotto results.