Friday, June 24, 2016

Happiness Snowball

Yesterday New England Patriots wide receiver Julian Edelman brought me back to life. What do I mean by this? Have you ever had a day or a week or a month or a year where something just HAS to give? I've had four occasions in my life where I've hit that point, and all four times I've had a moment therein where I stop, close my eyes, and ask for... something. Who am I asking and what am I asking for? I'm not exactly sure. Help? Sort of. Guidance? Maybe a little. Am I praying? Not really. Meditating? Nah, I'm way too anxious to meditate. Anyway, I had one of those moments yesterday around lunchtime, and 45 minutes later Julian Edelman saved me. 

A friend sent me a message saying she'd heard he was in the restaurant in the lobby of my office building having lunch. Holy shit. Today? Did someone hire him to do this? (As a point of clarification before I continue: Julian Edelman is my #1 celebrity crush. I think he is handsome, funny, talented, and perfect in every way. I will marry him. Watch.) I immediately threw some lipstick on, stood up from my chair, and walked to the elevator with one goal: eye contact. If I can look Julian Edelman in the eye, I can bounce back, I will know the world is not a lousy place, I will brush myself off and get back in the ring. I figured I'd just walk in there looking like I knew where I was going and see what happened. If they asked me what the hell I was doing, I'd lie and say I was considering the restaurant for a private event and wanted to see the space. Easy. I got myself down there, nodded confidently at the hostess, and walked in a very authoritative circle around the bar. I stopped 10 feet away from my future husband's table and pretended to check my phone. Not working. Only the woman sitting diagonally across from him looked at me. Probably because she was excited that someone was seeing her at the same table as Julian Edelman and wanted to watch the jealousy bubble up around her. I'd do the same thing. I needed him to look at me, so I got a foot closer and just stared at him until he seemed to notice my creepy self doing so, LOOKED RIGHT AT ME, and looked away. Julian Edelman looked at me. Sure it was for one second, but I locked eyes with my celebrity athlete dream man on one of the worst days I'd had in a while and it helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

I don't want to go into the lame details of why I had a rough few weeks, I don't feel like wallowing in it anymore. It's done. I think locking eyes with Julian Edelman for one second helped because it reminded me that I have tons of things to be happy about - his chiseled face, for example. But also, my good friend who adores his chiseled face just as much as I do and the fun we have swooning over him. Thinking about that led to me think about all the other fun things I do with that friend, which led me to remember how much I love teaching at Healthworks, which led to me think about how excited I am to learn all the new choreography I have to learn in the next two weeks, which got me thinking about teaching on the Esplanade this summer, which led me to think about maybe organizing a little dinner at 75 Chestnut after one of the classes, which reminded me how much I love a good steak, which got me thinking about cooking in my kitchen and how happy it's always made me, which got me thinking about how much I love the North End and how fortunate I am to live in such a cool neighborhood and so close to my family. Happiness. Snowball.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I very easily lose sight of all the good things in my life when something big goes wrong. I'm SO bad at remembering all the other pieces of the puzzle, how nicely they fit together, and what a beautiful picture they make. This was a rough one, I don't want to beat myself up for having a hard time getting through it, but I did lose sight entirely for at least a little while, of all the really wonderful parts of my life. So thank you, Julian Edelman. Thank you for looking at me and coaxing me back towards happiness and reminding me just how lucky I am.

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