2. I went to have my annual physical yesterday. For part of the appointment my doctor was reviewing my notes from last year's visit to see if anything had changed. Where do I work, what do I do for exercise, do I still teach, do I still like it, do I smoke, how much do I drink, what's my diet like, what's my home like, my sleep, etc. All of my answers sounded positive, nothing had changed. She moved onto the physical exam and that was fine, too. Again, nothing had changed. I could consider taking Vitamin D, hit the dermatologist again this year because I'm pale and freckled and she'll see me in a year unless anything comes up. I was horrified. How is this possible? I'm fine? No I'm not. Look at the year I just had. Check me again, Johns Hopkins-educated MD. I left feeling really uneasy. I wandered around the Back Bay pouting for a while. It started to rain so I took my pouting into Marshall's and tried on 6 million tops. It was in the Marshall's dressing room that I realized I was being a real asshole. I'm healthy. My doctor just told me I'm healthy. How many people don't get that news when they go to the doctor? Someday I won't get that news. I need to stop being such a wallowing hypochondriac and appreciate the fact that things are good right now, things are stable. Yes, it was a shitty year, but I survived it. I'm unscathed. Stop wallowing, Ann. Ugh.
3. In more serious news, I've decided that I'm done with Spanx. DONE. Goodbye forever. They are in the trash. If I put something on in the fitting room at the store and look in the mirror and think it would only look good if I wore Spanx with it, then I'm not buying it. That means it doesn't fit me. I'm not buying shit that doesn't fit me anymore. I like feeling good. The only time people ever tell me I look nice is when I feel good. When I'm physically comfortable. Spanx make me feel awful. I could have the most gorgeous dress in the world on, but I'm walking around feeling like I'm wearing bike shorts. Bike shorts. I don't feel good in bike shorts. Maybe you cyclists do, but I don't. A few years back I decided that anytime I went shopping for clothes I'd get in the fitting room, put the items on with my back to the mirror, and only turn around and look in the mirror if they felt good. I'm going back to that.
4. I love taking myself out to eat. I enjoy going out with people, of course, but I really enjoy having a meal at a bar by myself. One of my favorite things to do. The first time I did this I was 17 years old. It was the middle of the day at school and I decided I really needed to buy opera length gloves for my prom. It needed to happen right now. Sorry, education. I told one of the Deans who seemed to think I was an okay kid that I didn't feel well and he signed me out for the day. I kind of can't believe that was okay? Anyway, I went across the street and hopped on the train and went into Boston to buy my gloves. I went to Saks Fifth Avenue in the Prudential and bought them. A woman named Nathalie sold them to me, I still have her business card. They were $80. Why not? I was making $5.50/hour at Walgreens at that point.
5. A very close friend of mine had a baby boy a little over a month ago. She sent me a video of her little man this week since she knew I was having a stressful few days and it was just precious, calmed me down right away. This friend is the closest person to me to ever give birth. I'm so happy for her. But also? It's crazy to me that she MADE A HUMAN BEING WITH HER BODY. I realize this sounds insane. This is literally, actually THE tale as old as time. But it's like, wow. You made that nose. You made those legs. You made them. You made legs. With your... you. You made them. Mind BLOWN. Does this make sense? I'm late to the party, I know. But wow. I felt the same way at her wedding last year. I was standing up there in my bridesmaid dress half choked up and overwhelmed with love and happiness, half in shock thinking, "you're going to literally tell this guy how you feel about him in front of all these other people? It's possible to like someone enough to do THAT?!" I'm so thankful for this friend. She is the closest thing to a sister I've ever had. We've laughed and cried and danced and fought and talked too much and talked not at all and from the day we first met to today I am always learning what's possible from her. V^V^V^V
Happy Friday, all.