Friday, December 8, 2017

Friday Five @ 5

1. I did a shitty job of exercising this week. I have taken not a single yoga class. Not one. Sure I technically exercised, but that was work. I was required to be there, I was paid to be there. Getting motivated to do your own exercise can be so freaking hard. Even if you love it. I LOVE yoga. I feel better when I'm going regularly, I love the routine it creates in my morning, nothing about it isn't wonderful. And yet, every single morning this week? NOPE. Hard pass. I had every excuse. I was tired. It was cold out. I had a mountain of dirty dishes in the sink and I needed to get up and wash them instead of going to class. I didn't totally know what I was teaching that night and I should use the time I'd be in yoga class to make my playlist. Did I get up and wash my dishes? No. Did I get up and make my playlist? No. I stayed in my bed for a WHILE. I got up and threw myself together in 20 mins. I bought breakfast on the way to work. One day I even had two doughnuts. Two of them. That was the best I could do this week, and I'm fine with it. Maybe I'll do better next week. Onward.

2. I love Old Navy so much. I went yesterday and got this shirtthis dressthis hat, and two pairs earrings that they don't appear to have online. I really like getting earrings at Old Navy. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have a nice pair of earrings. I am researching gold hoops currently. I really want to buy myself a super nice pair of Big Girl gold hoops. But even when I do buy those hoops? I'm still going to buy earrings at Old Navy to wear day-to-day. They are between $6 and $10 and they are adorable. If you're on the go and disorganized like me and taking your earrings off and shoving them in your gym bag hurriedly, you're eventually going to lose one. If they are $6? It doesn't matter. Also. Anytime someone tells me they like my jewelry, it's something I've purchased at Old Navy. Every. Single. Time. I love you, Old Navy. Never change.

3. I made this Shrimp with Tomatoes, White Beans & Spinach recipe last night and it was divine. Highly recommended. For those of you who know my situation: I did include wine in my sauce. I bought $2.99 Charles Shaw Pinot Grigio, poured out the half cup of it that I needed, and then dumped the rest down the sink and put the empty bottle outside in recycling. I felt like a superhero.

4. While we are on THAT topic, I went to an AA meeting recently. I'm not going to tell you where or when it was. I'm not going to tell you who I went with. I was asked if I wanted to check it out and I went. A lot of things about the experience were eye-opening for me. The most major thing was that I could not believe how crowded the meeting was. HUGE group. Standing room only. Tons of people who looked exactly like me, tons of people who looked nothing like me. I looked at the person I went to the meeting with on the way in and jokingly said, "I thought I was the only one." I sat through the meeting and looked around and wondered who was in all the bars since everyone was here. I never realized and still can't totally comprehend how common it is to have a complicated, challenging relationship with alcohol. Going to this meeting and seeing how many people showed up for it kind of blew my mind. On one level it made me feel better: I'm not the only one who has this struggle. On another level, it sort of bothered me. If THIS many people in this tiny sliver of the world are showing up for this one meeting of which there are hundreds in the area, then why is it still okay in our culture to almost celebrate binge drinking? Sweatshirts that say, "Sip Sip Hooray" and tote bags that say "Rosé All Day." I tried drinking rosé all day many, many, many times. I tested it out. I made sure I got a good sense of it. Trust me, it's not a good thing. I was walking through Roche Bros in Downtown Crossing yesterday and the woman running the wine tasting asked me multiple times if I wanted to try some wine. I finally had to tell her I had a drinking problem and she needed to stop. I went to lunch in my beloved North End last month and at the end of the meal during which I did not drink alcohol, the server brought me a shot glass of limoncello. A nice gesture? Maybe. But thank goodness I was master of my drinking domain by then. If they'd hit me with that on a day earlier on in my process, I would have had the limoncello and it would have been off to the races for days and days. Now, I'm not turning into a preachy jerk who thinks everyone on the planet has a drinking problem and alcohol needs to be banned. I'm not saying that at all. On Thanksgiving my family split a bottle of white wine and I didn't really care. On my birthday I went to the Four Seasons with a huge group of my friends and 90% of them had cocktails and I didn't really care. It doesn't bother me that people drink. What does bother me is that there is this culture that really encourages us to overdo it. If you go to a restaurant and you aren't drinking alcohol, the server rarely asks you if you want another glass of whatever you're having. If you are drinking alcohol, they are up your ass to order your next round, they are refilling your wine glass before you can tell them not to. I went to a party on Friday night in a restaurant and told the server I didn't drink alcohol but that I wanted something with a lot of lime juice, a splash of grapefruit, seltzer, and a salt rim. It was delicious, I really liked it. I wanted another one. I had to chase him down to order it, but I noticed he offered everyone who WAS drinking alcohol a second round. I had a couple people at the party ask me how I went about ordering my drink, and I saw it occur to them that not having alcohol at the event was an option. For YEARS I felt I could not stop drinking because how on earth would I still socialize? How could I do all my favorite things like see friends after work and go to nice restaurants and have oysters in the summer and cook in my kitchen at the end of a long day? You needed wine to do those things. What I've learned over the past 121 days since my last drink, is that I can still do all my favorite things. I actually enjoy them more. Prom Date and I go to a really nice restaurant and have a gorgeous meal almost every Saturday night. I ate oysters several times this summer. I cook in my kitchen all the time. But it was driven into my brain for years that I couldn't do those things without alcohol, and that's bullshit. Now, this was my first AA meeting. I'm not going back to that particular one simply because it won't work with my schedule regularly. I'm not sure if I'll find another one. I might. We'll see. But I'm told that a big part of AA is to go through the steps and achieve sobriety and maintain that sobriety partially through your efforts to help others with the same struggle do the same thing. I am a huge fan of this model. When I shared my initial post about my drinking problem, I heard from a lot of people who confided in me that they wondered about their own drinking. Talking with those people did strengthen my resolve to stay sober and made me look at my newly adopted lifestyle and like it more. I want to put it out there that if you do wonder about your drinking and you want to talk about it, I am here to listen to you. Again, I don't think every person on the planet is an alcoholic, but I do think we are all encouraged to overdo it. If you need support figuring out where you fall on the alcohol spectrum, I am happy to provide a judgement-free space for you to talk it out. That meeting really let me know that I'm not alone, you're not alone either.

5. On a lighter note, have any of you seen this new movie Lady Bird? It looks really good and Stephen Colbert says it's one of the best movies he's ever seen. I'm thinking I might need to take myself to see it on Sunday afternoon.

Happy Friday, you guys.